Dark Melodies & Arcane Elixirs

The Heart's Doorway Opens at Midnight

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Travel...and adjustments...
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The last month (and onward) has been a difficult one. I lost Mina early last month...she was around 14 years of age...She was older and she had lost some of her hearing and sight....and her overall demeanor had become less spirited...less of th dog I knew for years during her last 2 years...but I took care of her the best I could as she kept going...she didn't die of natural causes...I wish she could have passed in a more dignified manner...

I actually don't feel like going into too many details because it's still quite painful. I have days where I am OK and I just put it out of my mind...but once in awhile, the sadness and reality of the loss creeps back in due to some trigger. It could be seeing somethnig around the house, hearing a certain song...and accidentally coming across a picture of her through older photos on my phone, my Facebook profile and so on. They are too painful to look at...so I cant and don't linger on them now...she was family...

I also have an aunt who is very sick and has been in the hospital...one of my mom's sisters. I am not good with bad news or these sorts of difficulties. On the outset, it looks like I am careless and strangely uninvolved...but I just process things differently. Grief, sadness, and fear sometimes come in layers for me...layers that I can't control...I can never know when something will hit me emotionallly. That's the bad part about all of that...and being wired that way. Everyone else deals with their grief upfront...while for me, the timing and intensitiees of the emotions are unpredictable.

I have made plan to take a trip for the coming new year. I decided that I will visit Vancouer for about a week in February. Mid-late February. I really enjoyed the city when I visited in the past and would like to go back and explore further. I will be looking up a place to stay through Airbnb. More affordable and nicer lodging options for a week-long stay. There are some good deals that will be available for round trip flights for that time, as well.

Some other plans I have for the near future are Krav Maga training and classes, participation at a local meditation center, and more travel, when I can and when it is best.

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